Does the thought of Tweeting get you all excited? Is the first thing you do of a morning is take a look at your Facebook to see if anyone has “Liked” your post? Do you spend hours trying to get just the right picture to post on Instagram? You might be addicted to Social Media.
It sneaks up on you. First, a friend tells you about all the fun she’s having with her Facebook friends. “What is Facebook?”, you ask her in total innocence. Within minutes, she has you download the app to your smart phone, you make an account, and you start making friends. You find friends by searching, you look through your friend’s friends, you look up old high school chums, and current and previous co-workers. You “Like” your favorite restaurants, retailers, and entertainers. All of a sudden, you realize the weekend is over and Monday is halfway gone and you forgot to go to work. But you haven’t got time to feel bad over missing work, you have 5 games to play on Candy Crush.
Do you spend your nights laying awake, thinking up smart one-liners to Tweet the next day? Are you asking complete strangers in the grocery checkout line if they have a Twitter account? Have you been in an evaluation meeting with your boss and asked if he Tweets? And he says yes, and you tell him you’re a Tweeter, too. Suddenly, the evaluation goes out the window and you both have something in common. You’re Tweeters.
Social Media has grown rapidly in the past few years. It has become an effective tool for businesses to promote their services, to search for old friends and neighbors, and to spy on the ex-boyfriends. But how much is too much time to spend Facebooking and Tweeting?
You might want to ask yourself a few questions:
- If I had to choose between reading a bedtime story to my child or Tweeting to the universe, would I consider it a compromise by reading my Tweets to my child?
- Do I fall asleep with my iPhone clutched in my hand?
- Have I ever simultaneously posted on Facebook and flushed the toilet?
- Have I ever gone out on a dinner date and spent the entire time Tweeting about how boring my date was?
- Do I take a picture of every menu in every restaurant I’m in so I can post it on Instagram?
- Do spiders and snakes that once frightened me silly now serve as prime photographic content to post?
- Do I go days without bathing because I can’t take my phone in the shower with me?
- Do I shoplift my clothes and then model them for Facebook?
- Have I spent nine months training my puppy to do cute tricks I can film and post just so I can see if I can set a new record of “Likes?”
- Do I engage in sexual messaging with my husband as opposed to the real thing?
If you have answered yes to five or more of these questions, you have a Social Media addiction.
These are just a few signs that you may be addicted to Social Media. Some misguided people have tried to quit cold turkey by deleting their apps, only to download them again four hours later. Some much braver souls have thrown away their phones, only to race the trash truck to the dumpster the next morning. There is no known cure at this time. There is only hope, by way of a Twelve-Step program.
- Admit to yourself you have a problem.
- Admit your problem on Facebook and Twitter.
- Wait for responses from your Friends and fellow Tweeters.
- Keep checking your phone for these responses every hour, on the hour.
- If anyone claims they have kicked the Tweeter habit, they may be lying, but do not judge them. They have a Tweeter problem, too.
- Take a picture of any wrong you have committed.
- Correct any wrong you have a picture of, and take a picture of the correction.
- Post all pictures on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, with an apology.
- Wait for all the replies that will tell you what a great person you are for correcting said wrongs.
- While waiting on replies, try a new recipe for a sinful hot fudge triple chocolate caramel pecan cake that was posted on Facebook last week.
- You’re nervous about any negative feedback that may come as a reply to your post, so eat the entire cake.
- Congratulations, you now have a new addiction.
If you have found a pain free way to kick the Social Media addiction, I’ll be on Facebook. PM me.