I once heard that the mind was a scary place….one should never go there alone. I’d like to add one should never go there alone at night.
Night time is when the heavy negativity hits, when problems invent and magnify themselves in seconds, and when speed bumps become mountains much too steep to climb. Every bad thing that has happened revisits and plays in slow motion. It’s when dreams become serpents chasing me in the darkness. I’d like to say it was caused by something I ate, but I didn’t eat anything. It’s just my mind playing cruel games in the dark.
To sleep deeply with the innocence of a child again, that would be amazing. To be free of stress and worry and wondering where the next blow is going to come from would be amazing, because it will. Someone will strike, it’s only a matter of when. And then someone will preach a mini sermon of how I’m not handing it over to God. Who are they to judge what they don’t know? They have no idea the conversations with God I have had, and know nothing about my faith, yet they judge swiftly and sharply. They cut and stab with their words and feel righteous about doing it.
Maggie, my dog, sleeps beside me…deeply, innocently, with none of the troubles reserved for us humans. Yet every so often even she will whimper in her sleep, and I wonder what she is dreaming. Is a big dog chasing her? Is she upset because I’ve gone to work? Is she fussing because she didn’t get a treat?
The darkness of night brings me no calm. My thoughts run rampant and free. Some nights I worry about North Korea, and some nights I worry about our own country and wonder why some people still cannot see what they’ve done by electing someone so undeserving to lead our country. And still other nights I imagine a new life, free of worry, free of stress, filled with peace, quiet, and happiness.
So I put these thoughts down in the hope of clearing my head for sleep, replacing them with thoughts of beautiful gardens and gentle waterfalls. Or maybe just a different life, one in which the garbage disposal works.