Dressing for Walmart

Ladies, no matter what your socio-economic background is, your ethniticity, your sexual preference, or your budget, there are a few guidelines that should be followed before heading out to the local Walmart for a shopping expedition. This is for all hours of the day or night, in all weather, at all times. Walmart may not enforce a dress code, but there is an unwritten dress code that I’m now going to share with you in writing.

  • Leave your pajamas at home.  No one wants to see what you sleep in, no one cares. Care enough about yourself to put some clothes on.
  • Clean yourself up.  Use a little soap and water and get to scrubbing all areas of your body, seen and unseen.  No one wants to smell your musty old body odor, either.
  • Cover yourself up, girl!  It doesn’t matter what size, shape, or color you are; cover it up!  There should be no nipples showing through or hanging out of a halter top.  Make sure your clothing is large enough to cover all cracks, folds, humps, and bumps.  No one wants to see your butt cheeks.  No one wants to see that fine looking butt crack tattoo.  Cover it up.
  • Wear shoes.  This is for your own safety, too.  We don’t want you to injure yourself, and we don’t want anyone to have to witness your dirty feet.  Flip flops are fine as long as your little tootsies are clean.
  • Brush or comb your hair.  Don’t let people see how lazy you are. And I can guarantee you will feel a little bit better about yourself if you do.
  • Take the curlers out of your hair before you leave the house.  Not only does it look cheap and tacky to be out shopping in them, it’s just a dumb thing to do.  Have some pride in yourself, for gosh sakes.
  • Use a little deodorant in those armpits.  No one wants to smell those sour pits.
  • If there’s any kind of larvae or big or small creatures crawling on your scalp, stay home.  Keep those things to yourself.  Have someone else do your shopping for you and to pick something up to kill those things.  Call your doctor if a prescription is required.

Well, those are the basic guidelines for shopping at Walmart or anywhere else.  I know it may seem like a lot to take care of, if you haven’t been.  But it gets easier with practice.  Take care of yourself.  It’s the right thing to do.

Please share this post with your friends or anyone who may benefit from learning the dress code.